Laylin Park
A golden playset, a broken swing
An abandoned pond, the lightening
burned a hole in the ground
Under the tree we sat at
And I feel it in my chest too.
​
The sky is red like blood, the fluffy white bombs
will go off if I think about you,
My mind is the trigger, let it win
And I'm dead.
​
The rain is red
Like your lips,
They were an automatic door
Now they're locked by a password
I have forgotten.
​
Laylin Park was where we had our last kiss
​
Or maybe not
Because it shouldn't count
Right, it shouldn't count,
Because I didn't know it would be the last time
The last time we would meet at our halfway spot.
​
I hated driving but I have the whole drive memorized
I have a lot of things memorized.
You hugged me with one hand instead of two
Sang rock and roll in the car,
You let me hold your hand on the road,
Drove one-handed for me,
Your hand was stocky and warm
It was my umbrella in the storm.
​
Why does three months of meeting at Laylin Park,
Why does it feel like three years?
Maybe because you promised me three years
And more,
Said I was The One in the first week,
Told me you loved me on the second date.
Did you just say it to say it?
How could you look at me with your ocean brown eyes
Your irises full of unsynchronized waves?
You gave it all to me then took it all away,
You bought me flowers to celebrate one month
Maybe it was a red flag
Maybe I missed it
Now I get to miss you.
​
It's not like we had much in common
I was a writer, you were studying
To go into the army,
It was gonna end anyway
But I thought there was more time.
You were my first, and now I'm
Wishing I hadn't come back to the park
To see it so muddy without us here
The grass making a squishing noise,
A sound the beat of my heart can no longer mimic
No more laughs echoing through the treetops
The ones we would stare at, pretending we were
stargazing because you were a gentleman
And didn't want to keep me out late.
​
I want to hate you but I can't,
You were too busy
I can't blame you.
​
But Laylin Park still rains every time I'm there now,
The park in Mason,
The halfway place we stopped meeting at
Halfway into the relationship.
​
I see you when I go back to the Mason park,
But when I look down into the abandoned pond,
Foggy water, your reflection is gone,
And now so is mine.
He's The Sun
I’m falling in love again,
but I’m more scared than happy;
I built a shield around my heart
Then lowered it
Because now my identity
is how He sees me.
I’m a star
But He’s the sun,
Someone I worship instead of
worship with.
He likes cars,
So do I.
He doesn't like romcoms
So I don't either, not anymore
He likes sports
So I lie
He played football,
And I "played volleyball"
​
It got exhausting and depressing
Watching him fall in love with someone else.
​
It's time to rewrite the stars,
Make it so we’re both suns
Who rotate together.
​​​​
Water is Thicker Than Blood
Before my sister went missing, she was the favorite,
And I was invisible.
Little did I know to be visible
All I had to do was become a scapegoat,
Someone they could blame
For taking away their ONLY daughter.
Sometimes I wonder why they didn’t kick me out?
They were like their own three-person family,
And I was like the guest in my own house;
And now that she’s gone,
I’m an imposter,
Someone who broke in.
I miss my sister,
But they don’t know that,
They don’t know that because
they never ask how I feel,
never ask about my hobbies or interests.
My own dad talks to me about my sister
Because he literally can’t think of
ANYTHING else to talk about;
How sad is that . . .
For me,
Because it clearly doesn’t bother them.
I’m supposed to be having relationship issues
With friends and boyfriends.
Not family issues,
They’re blood,
It should be easy,
Simple,
Not like this.
How is it that a stranger I small-talked with for thirty seconds
Knows me better than my own flesh and bones?
Tell me, how?
I have a 4.0 gpa but I can’t answer that question.
Does this mean if I ever go missing,
They won’t go looking for me?
WRONG.
The same people who put up missing posters when our cat ran away,
won’t even realize I’m missing in the first place.
​
​you haven't changed
​
You haven’t changed
Because the girl you’re with now
Is the girl I was when I met you.
You took me on one date,
Ended it with asking me to be yours,
And I was your blanket to cover
The parts of you
You didn’t want to be with alone.
And I let you
Because I didn’t know how to stand up for myself yet,
I didn’t know what I deserved yet.
I wish I hadn’t known you yet.
I hope that girl gets to where I did.
Me leaving you was
Me choosing myself for the first time.
And you haven’t changed
Because you asked me out the day before you met her.
You told me she was a last-minute thing
When what you really meant is she simply showed up first,
She showed up before I could say no to you;
She’s a placeholder,
A place holder that girls will continuously fill
Until you get over your fear of reflective glass.
Every day I feel guilty
That I took more from you than you took from me.
You changed me,
But I wasn’t able to change you,
And I’m sorry for that.
And I would be sorry for the girl you’re with now too
But I’m not
Because I know you’ll change her too
And she’ll leave the you that you are now.
I’m more sorry for you.
But I’m excited for the you you’ll become.
I’m sorry but it was different for me.
I already did work on my own before I dated you.
I did the practice; you were the big game
But you’re out in the game before any practice,
That’s why no girl will change you
Right now.
You only look at your skin when it’s kissed.
What does it look like when it’s not?
I think you’ll be surprised to find it’s actually warmer
south of female lips.
The day before you went out with the new girl,
You offered me gas money if I would come.
Did you tell her that?
Like I said,
You haven’t changed.
​
Butterfly Tattoo
I'm wearing a butterfly tattoo
of you
and it kisses my skin
the same way the warm sun rays
burn my face into a
rose flush.
I feel the tattoo
when I see you
and you kiss me,
and for a second
the stationary wings flutter,
and my smile becomes more permanent
than the ink itself.
​
Can I please be this happy forever?
​
It's rare
to not have a worry in the world
except for you to drive safe,
and come see me again
in one piece.
​
I would believe in the butterfly's permanence
but
last time I had to get it removed.
​
I can't go through that again.
So please don't hurt me,
please don't let our love turn to hate,
like every relationship I've had.
​
I let your ink inside me,
I let you in.
​
I want to keep seeing you,
talking to you and kissing you,
My butterfly tattoo literally coming to life
In stomach flutters and flips
​
I'm attached,
and there's no going back,
and I'm happy,
but even a tattoo can't promise me it'll last.
​
All I can do is love you
and hope it stays
like my butterfly tattoo.
​
My Hunter
​
Here I am again
Why did I ever
give love
a second chance?
Why do any of us?
We willingly risk our hearts
for hunters who
shatter them with their arrows.
It took my hunter three tries,
but he eventually killed me. ​