Being a Mentor Is Harder Than I Thought

Right now I'm an advocate for an adolescent in the juvenile system. Obviously it's confidential so I can't say anything about my mentee, but I want to share my experience separately.

I've always known that when you step away from your lectures and notes that the real thing would be so much different, but I underestimated just how different it would be. When I first got to the house, I was immediately awakened by the involuntary acceptance of my own wealthy privilege I had growing up. Where I had a fireplace and electric chairs that reclined, they had blow-up beds because there wasn't enough rooms. I'm not going to lie, it teared me up. People can tell you you're privileged and lucky your whole life, but I don't think you can ever really believe them until you see it for yourself.

I grew up in a relatively wealthy town. Most families in DeWitt had money. All my friends had good houses, good lives. Of course everyone has their own struggles but none of my friends were stuck on the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy. None of them were worried about starving or getting by day-by-day.

I hate to be the one to say it's sadder when it's kids going through it, because I think everyone is equal, but it is sadder. It's sadder because I've come to realize life is just one big game of luck and I somehow won. Kids don't get to choose which family they are born into.

I've managed to turn the guilt into gratefulness and I've enjoyed helping my mentee. I have. It's just hard because you never know what's going to happen. Sometimes I go over there and something bad happened and we can't meet, or sometimes there will be a no-show, or sometimes I'll sense something's wrong and they won't want to elaborate. It's so unpredictable. It's not frustrating that I go over there for nothing. It's frustrating that I can't help them, that it's wasted time I could've been helping. I wish I could get them to want better, but I'm the last person who is qualified to judge anyone for that because I don't know what it's like to live like they do.

All I have to say is this experience has changed me. Christmas is coming up this year, and it's the time to truly feel grateful. I think I'm gonna get my mentee a gift, something small.

This experience is supposed to give me an idea of if it's the kind of work I want to do in the future. And I guess it's just hard because it's so messy and all over the place right now.

It has me wondering why we teach in such a structured way when real life is anything but structured.