If It Were the Movies, I'd Be In Love By Now

Something Bo Burnham (he's a comedian, as I'm sure you all know), said on my ForYou page was that it's interesting how nowadays instead of making movies based off reality, people try to make reality out of movies. It got me thinking about how much movies have screwed my love life over. There's other things I could go on about, such as the fact very few movies are body inclusive, and how movies definitely contributed to some of my disordered eating in high school. But today I really want to focus on the high expectations that movies have for love.

Something you should know about me if you don't already is that I am an open book. I will tell you every detail of my life, even if you are a stranger. It doesn't bother me. Now that I feel I know who I am, it doesn't scare me to disclose things, not even my flaws and mistakes. I think it's actually better to share those things so that people realize nobody is perfect. I certainly am not. Not by a long shot.

That's why I'm not afraid to admit that I have never been in love. That's not a flaw. It's just a vulnerable thing someone may not choose to blog for potentially the whole world to one day see. I have dated people, sure, but it's never escalated to love. I've never said "I love you" to anyone before and no one's ever loved me romantically. Yes, I have had two guys tell me they loved me, but they were lying. LOL, don't we love the world of dating? You might be wondering how I know they were lying? Well, let's just say two days after their confession of love to me when they didn't get what they thought they'd get after their confession, they were gone.

I'm a huge romantic, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. This is my second vulnerable thing I'm willing to share. The reason I'm placing some blame (not all) on movies is because I grew up with movies. When I was a kid, all I watched was Disney princess movies and Barbie. I watched all these movies that promised me (I didn't know at the time that their fingers were crossed behind their backs) that I would be in love and find the one in high school and have a happily ever after.

I was quick to realize that real life wasn't so easy, at least not for everyone, at least not for me.

You might be wondering why I decided to write about this topic this week. I must've just got my heart broken or something. Not quite. I still have been single for about a year now after my most recent breakup. I haven't entered into anything since. I think it's been a good thing.

The reason I'm writing this, why I'm being reminded yet again of not finding love yet, is because I'm relating to Kelly Clarkson's lyrics from "Behind These Hazel Eyes." "Just thought you were the one," is what I'm singing right now on my bed while I type whatever comes to my head.

Now, not that I'm going back on what I said before about being an open book, but I'm going to be extremely vague here. Essentially, I met this guy who goes to school far away. Yeah. I'm hoping he isn't reading this. Just kidding. Kinda. He does read my writing. Hopefully not anymore. Anyway, that's just kinda it.

We met on spring break, I thought we hit it off, finally found someone with green flags. He's career-oriented, I'm career-oriented. I'm low-key not accidentally writing specific details and then deleting them and replacing it with something more vague . . . He grew up close to where I did, there's definitely mutual people between us. But yeah, he's been around for a while since school ended, but after that, he'll be gone for like two years far away, apart from little holiday breaks. And today was the last time I saw him. Every date we went on, he initiated, and so I guess I kinda thought he'd initiate maybe wanting to commit to something more. I was going to suggest just being friends, but I'm allowed to be disappointed that there was never even an initiation to have a conversation about, right?

So yeah, no need to get too deep into it. And don't worry, the purpose of this article isn't for you all to take note of yet another guy that hasn't worked out in the Sydney thank you next cycle. It's to show the reality of life. In the movies, there's never a right guy wrong time. In real life, there is. I'm gonna ride the friend zone for a while and see what happens. It actually is kinda perfect. We're both working on our careers right now. I just have to constantly remind myself it doesn't all have to be worked out now.

If you're going through something similar, something unknown, my advice is to just live in the now. I didn't even realize for the longest time that my high school sweetheart parents actually had a break in college. During that break, they didn't know they'd be married or find each other again. It's okay to have unknown things. It's okay. Don't always listen to movies.

The guy I will not name (sorry not sorry) is off to work. I'm working on my writing this summer, and very anxiously awaiting a publishing company's response to my book that showed interest. I'm working two jobs this summer. I will be busy. My career comes first. I've always been all about my career. I can't help but think that the only reason why I tried to set my career to the curb for men in the past is because there's not many movies about someone going after their dream and saying goodbye to the maybe relationship. All the romantic movies, the happy ending is when they end up with the guy. Why can't the happy ending be choosing a job or reconciling and getting closer with a family member?

I let myself feel it all out. I let myself get a little upset. I may never meet up with the guy again. Oh well. I have a life that exists beyond one person.

If you're stuck in that same loop, just remember that we live in a culture that tells us happiness is being in a relationship. Happiness is progress in your life. Different things make different people happy. You write your own ending. Please please please don't expect movies to decide your own happy ending for you. Create it yourself.

You're the author. You don't hire screenwriters. You are the true screenwriter. So go out there and make a movie that will make people believe in love. A movie that shows the possibilities, but doesn't make any guarantees. We hear the saying "it'll come when you least expect it," but movies have all trained us to expect it. Take away the expectation, and love will find us all.

Of course this is all solely my own opinion. I know there's someone out there whose life is quite literally The Notebook in real life. And that makes my heart melt. But to everyone who doesn't pass away with their loved one in their arms, my personal argument is that your life is still like The Notebook. I know that on my death bed I will be dying with my notebook literally, and that I will die loving the art that is writing. And I am blessed with two best friends who love me and a family who loves me, too.

What thing do you love most in the world that you will die with? Everyone has a thing, and therefore everyone will die with love. It may not be in the movies, but it is reality. It's my reality at least.

What's yours?