Respecting Others Different From Us

This is my personal opinion and does not reflect the opinions of others.

Trigger Warning: The KKK is mentioned and topics of racism are explored; this includes a controversial method of anti-racism/activism.

I would love to share this spontaneous dive into the web I had recently. My inspiration was my own feelings. I was feeling down on myself because I was getting in my head about a person who didn’t like me, but who didn’t really know me that well. It made me question myself. So I looked up TEDTalks about the feeling, and I found something I didn’t expect, a little bit unrelated to what I was looking for but related in a different way.

I found a TED Talk by Daryl Davis, and in it he talks about what to do when someone doesn’t like you. Only, he talks more in depth about his story, involving racism, about how he, an African American man, and a Ku Klux Klan (KKK) leader were able to sit down and respect each other and talk despite their differences. It made me feel better to know that there was someone out there who shared my similar feelings. Something I’ve been struggling with for the longest time is politics and having friends who lean on different ends of the spectrum. This video helped reinforce that it is possible for people with different views to have a conversation. Davis goes on to describe how conversations are better than silence. When the conversations stop, the violence occurs. The KKK leader let Davis have his hood and mask because he respects him. Imagine how hard it would've been for Davis to go to a KKK rally with a bunch of people who believe in racist ideologies against him, and still have the courage and open mind to hear them out. I truly believe that talking to people is better than creating divisions between people.

This is not to say that KKK racist views are okay at all. I’m fully against them and it saddens me that they still exist today. But in my eyes, if no one is ever talking to the KKK and hearing them out, then nothing will change. We need to do more than talk about how awful they are. If someone hears someone out and respect is planted, then I believe it’s possible for the KKK, to list one example, to maybe want to alter their views after they see another perspective. Even if there’s yelling and arguing, as Davis says, it’s still a conversation.

Davis goes on to talk about how racism is taught through dialogue, through people talking about racism instead of talking with someone who is racist and hearing why they think the way they do. Instead of talking about people behind their backs, if we talk with each other, we can have respect and we can give each other feedback into our views. We have the chance to give people new perspectives. A lot of times views are hard to change, especially if you have had them for a long time. Talking with each other, I think is the only solution to possible change.

In my case, I’ve been worried people don’t like me because I believe in this genuine respect. I have friends who on both political ends don’t want to even be associated with someone on the other side. I’m not saying they have to agree at all (I agree to disagree all the time), but just having a conversation is something I would love to see. It doesn’t mean I’m condoning views that are hurtful toward minorities or other groups of people, absolutely not, it just means I have the same perspective that Davis does, which is that having conversations is better than not. I feel like defending the side that is opposite to mine sometimes confuses people and they interpret me wrong. And that’s where the paranoia of someone not liking me comes from.

I’m so glad I found this TEDTalk because it gives me further validation that it’s good to want to talk with people with differences. Racism is one of the worst things out there in this world that is unfortunately still ongoing, and Davis was willing to hear someone out who has committed violent and racist acts against many African American men and women. The fact that he was able to do that gives me hope that all of us can do that as well. And if someone is uncomfortable with doing what he did, it is totally understandable. Daryl did this because he felt called to do it, it doesn't mean you have to follow in his footsteps. After the discrimination and violent acts, the KKK leader did not deserve Daryl's time or energy; they are far from friends. Daryl is a strong person who is willing to use his time to simply get inside the mind of someone else for a bit and share some of what is in his mind in hopes to create change. It was Daryl's decision he made. And there are other ways to invoke change in people too. I'm simply sharing one story, one approach.

I urge you and everyone you know to sit down and have a conversation with someone that does not agree with you. See what happens. Talk about your views and why you have them and let them talk about theirs in exchange. Davis’s method is often seen as controversial, and as I've mentioned, it's okay if you don’t like this approach and if it isn’t right for you. I think it's awesome that Daryl has actually managed to convince a number of Klansmen to leave and denounce the KKK.

Don’t talk about them, talk with them. Or don’t. It’s up to you. But please watch Davis’s video before you make that decision. Give it a chance. You won’t regret it. I know I didn’t.