Why Are Stories That Praise Toxic Relationships So Popular Today?

This is my personal opinion and doesn't reflect the opinions of others.

This is a topic that came up when I was talking with one of my friends about our favorite movies and books. I'm not going to name any specific stories because I feel like there's a lot of them out there. I'm just going to talk about the topic in general. I'm sure as you read this, some titles will come into your head; and that's my hope, is to get you thinking about them. My goal is to get you to think about what exactly it is you consume and why it is you enjoy that piece of art. My goal is not to tell you whether that art is bad or not, because art is subjective; what I may love, you may hate.

I myself am someone that is entertained by these stories that praise toxic traits and relationships, and my guess is it has something to do with an innate human quality that makes me—and everyone else—love drama. We don't like to be in it but we love to watch it.

I see a lot of toxic relationships being praised in a lot of romances today, and also on reality dating shows. The common theme I see is infidelity and trying to make each other jealous. I see toxic traits such as being possessive over the other person. I don't see physical abuse normalized and I'm glad for that, but I do see a lot of psychological abuse that is written off as "dark" and "bad" in a good way. It seems we're teaching young girls to go for the bad guy since he's hot; we're teaching them to go for him even if he treats them bad. There's movies I can think of where there's no changing in the characters. The cheating and lies are the conflict of the story and then they end up together despite it all.

I think these stories are important to tell, but I wish we were making the ending better. In the end, I wish we were showing the strength it takes for a character to walk away from that toxic relationship. I don't think it has a positive message. In our society, we've been taught that a happy ending in a romance is the couple ending up back together. But what if it's a couple that shouldn't be together? What if it's toxic? We still only see the happy ending as the two getting back together.

Reality TV is a little different. I don't know enough about it to even form an opinion. All I know is I find it entertaining, and that there's a part of me that feels guilty for it. I know that people sign up for the fame, and that's their choice, but I still don't like the idea of twenty women all chasing after one man and hurting each other and spreading rumors about each other to get there. I feel like it divides us. I do love the positive side of these kinds of shows when I see the friendships that are made over the show. Reality TV isn't all bad. Again, I do love the drama and that's what fuels the show. I just worry that constantly watching drama like that all the time sort of transforms our standards as we watch it and we start to expect drama to be normal in a healthy relationship. For example, we may not think our significant other loves us enough if they don't get jealous over every friend of the opposite gender we have. We think they should be jealous and that that means they want us, when in reality them not being jealous could just mean they are confident in the relationship; a healthy trait is incorrectly written off as unhealthy. That's my worry.

I think it can be entertaining to watch drama, as long as I personally differentiate fiction from real life and avoid the type of drama I see on TV in my own relationships.

I know movies and TV like I've mentioned will always exist, and there will always be an audience. They're good shows. You can't deny that. But my hope is that along with those, we can open the market to other stories, ones that depict healthier relationships as well. I'd love to see more media with important messages and themes. I'd love to see a dating show where there's true body diversity. AGT is one of the few shows I know that is great with diversity and it makes me so happy. They don't just put one or two diverse people in there to say they did it; throughout the whole series, they have people from all over the world audition. They praise every different tradition of dance. I love it.

I want more things like that. I also want movies where the happy ending doesn't necessarily mean the couple stays together. I want more realistic fiction. I want characters in romances that have more conflict than their business going bankrupt. I want them to have mental health problems, identity issues, addiction issues, etc. because as common as they are in the real world, I rarely see them on the screen. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing movies that have inspired me that do have deeper meaning and say something about our world, but we could always use more!

The movies that do praise toxicity that are the most popular right now on Netflix, and that means people are putting money into them. That means, people prefer them. And I feel like that says something about our culture right now.

What's your opinion on movies and TV shows today? What are your favorites and least favorites, and I urge you to ask yourself why?