Why Do Doctors Have to Get Degrees in Science & Math & Physics & Human Anatomy But Not Empathy???

This is my personal opinion and doesn't reflect everyone else. What I say also is due to my experiences and it does not mean that it is generalizable to the entire population. I'm talking about a minority of people, not a majority. Everyone is entitled to their own experiences and resulting views.

Trigger Warning: suicide and disordered eating are mentioned in the environment of hospitals. If this triggers you, please don't read on. Everyone heals in different ways. and in different durations.

I want to start this with saying that in this post, I'm not talking about all doctors. I know med students who are incredibly empathetic and do genuinely care about people; they're the ones in the right place. However, not everyone is like them. I have a friend who has four majors and is pre-med and one of her majors is psych. Also, at the Listening Ear Crisis Center where I volunteer, there are staff who are pre-med and went through crisis training simply to help themselves get better at self-disclosure and active listening with someone going through a crisis. Those are the best doctors in my book. I don't see how a doctor who hates people can be a good doctor. The entire point of giving people surgery is to save their life; the entire point is to help people. So if you don't like to help people, then why are you a doctor? For money?

It's not just in this profession. Workers in customer service have had lots of complaints about getting treated poorly. This happens all over. I just want to spread the message that we need to treat people nicer. It's not professional to be rude to people just because you can.

The biggest thing I've personally noticed is that people of authority will be rude to someone in an act of discrimination. While I am privileged in many areas, I've been discriminated against due to my young age. I had an eye doctor who was very rude to me when she had me alone, but when my mom was present, she was nice out of nowhere. It was my proof that she was talking down to me just because she knew I was younger. She acted that way because she could. And that's not okay.

The reason I'm writing about this is because me and my friends got to chatting about it the other day. It wasn't just me. They said that they also had seen doctors and nurses be rude too. Doctors have the job of telling families sometimes when their loved one has died. You can't be rude in a situation like that. It's simply inhumane. Doctors should be skilled in how to listen and how to offer comfort. One of my friends told me about how her doctor assumed things about her and judged her. Her doctor immediately assumed she was pregnant even though she repeatedly told her she had not had sex. In response, she told her something along the lines of, "You go to MSU, you're definitely a partier." Her doctor wouldn't believe her when she said she didn't drink or smoke. In what world is that okay? Apparently on Earth. Apparently here. Because comments like that happen all the time. Sadly.

A huge thing I don't like is a doctor making negative comments about someone's weight. This one I personally relate to. The irony is sometimes there are doctors who aren't healthy themselves and then just because they have power in the situation, they get off on telling other people they need to be healthier. It seems hypocritical. Don't get me wrong, I know it's their job. If someone's health is at risk, yes they definitely need to tell them to change their life choices. However, they can tell them in a nice way. My pediatrician is a nice person with good intentions, however, the specific way she told me I needed to lose weight was not successful. I have nothing against her, I know she didn't mean it. But still.

She grabbed my obese stomach fat as a child and she repeatedly told me how I needed to lose the fat. She made me list ways to exercise. She showed me my BMI (I hate BMIs; that's a story for another time) and told me how urgent it was that I stop drinking apple juice and take all these things out of my diet. I was already getting bullied for my weight at school. My therapist even told me I have post-traumatic stress from my obesity as a child, and that the reason I struggled with an eating disorder and why I still struggle sometimes with food is because I'm determined to not ever be big again like I was as a kid. I'm terrified of gaining weight and going back to the place I was in.

Because my doctor told me the way she told me, I immediately started starving myself. She didn't cause my eating disorder, I did that on my own, but she inspired it. I wanted to make her proud. I still remember to this day the next checkup I had with her after a couple years. I was so excited to go to the doctor. What kid was ever excited for that?

And again, my doctor had the wrong response. I had lost all this weight from starving myself, from running off my food, and she told me how proud she was of me and my parents. I was proud! She complimented my disordered eating (without knowing) and I kept going.

I wouldn't stop starving myself until I decided for myself I didn't want that anymore. I got help and I'm doing a lot better now. I never got unhealthily thin and luckily gained control before getting too far into it. But I was obsessed. And it all started with a doctor. If that isn't proof that doctors need people skills, then I don't know what is.

Kindness goes a long way.

Always be kind, especially in medical settings. When a fifteen year old comes in after a suicide attempt, please don't judge them for that. Depression is no less of an "injury" than a broken leg is. As matter of fact, suicide attempts are worse than broken legs most of the time. And if your patient doesn't want to talk about their attempt, please don't bring it up like my doctor did to me in front of an intern; she embarrassed the heck out of me. When you see someone in a wheel chair, please don't treat them any differently; they can cut their own food and open their own door, they don't want you to treat them like they're two. Doctors, please don't ignore patients when they say they're concerned about their health; don't deny them because "you know better." Be there for them.

Please.

I've grown up empathetic. I used to see it as a weakness and I hated it. I hated that anything sad made me cry. I cry in every single sad movie. Yes, I totally cried in Pete's Dragon. In my ADP class, while talking about the juvenile I'm an advocate for and his tough situation, I cried in front of all my classmates. I cry for all of the sad, inspiring AGT auditions. It's who I am. I used to just assume that everyone was built the same way. No one has to be as empathetic as me and some of the other people I know, but moderate empathy is necessary in a medical setting.

If you're studying to be a doctor, are you doing it because you want to help people? If not, you may want to rethink it, not because you'd be bad at your job (you may be very good at it), but for the sake of other people. Hospitals are built for the injured and dying; it's their temporary home. Doctors don't live in hospitals, they simply work there.

Doctors, during your next surgery when you see your patient visibly nervous and shaking all over, talk to them, help them calm down. Be their friend before their doctor.

It's what Meredith Grey would do if she were real.

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support. Connect with a trained crisis counselor. 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365.

Image is from The Good Listening Project: