Why Monogamy

In my social psychology class, we've been reading some pretty interesting articles, articles that are too interesting not to share. We read this one that wanted to find out if consensual non-monogamous relationships held secure attachments like monogamous ones did. It was testing for CNM relationships since they are such a small percentage of the population. It's something there isn't a lot of data about.

So what the researchers ended up finding is that those with secure attachments were the likeliest to get into an CNM relationship, or rather, those low in anxiety and avoidance were the ones likely to be in one. That was Study 2. It also found that those with avoidant attachments had positive views about CNM and even a willingness to engage in them, but they weren't in those relationships. Anxious attachments didn't show an effect in Study 1. The reasoning was that those in avoidant relationships didn't like emotionally getting close to people, so they could spread their closeness across multiple relationships and essentially not have to connect deeply with one person.

That's the overall summary of this study. Credit goes to Moors, Conley, and Chopik.

I found it interesting because if we know that secure attachments are possible in CNM relationships, then that means monogamy and exclusivity in relationships aren't related to the secure attachment at all. Rather, it suggests that communication is more important. In CNM relationships, it seems there need to be a lot of hoops to jump through in order to make sure no one's feelings get hurt and to avoid jealousy and other negative things.

This is one of the studies that is going to stick with me. I'm such a monogamous person, such a romantic. I can't even imagine being in more than one relationship at once. I'm all about one-on-one. But it has me wondering if maybe it has to do with the way society socializes monogamy and how monogamy is the type of relationship that is considered the healthiest in our culture. When I walk around campus, I see couples. Monogamy is everywhere. I've never known anyone in my life who has participated in a CNM relationship.

In my English class right now, we're learning all about how culture and capitalism trick us by making us think we're choosing free will, when really, they've already created certain standards and made them out to be the "correct ways of living" with zero problems, that it's almost like they've programmed us to like what benefits them. They've instilled values and beliefs in us. Could the fact monogamy is the norm be why so many people are in those kinds of relationships? Another food for thought is sexuality itself. Am I straight because I've been socialized to love men my entire life?

I'm not saying that any of this means anything because I have no evidence, but sometimes it's just interesting to think about. It's so interesting to think about how we came to be in such a social world.

I will forever be in a monogamous, trusting, and secure relationship, as I have a secure attachment, but it's still good to be aware that my way of relationships isn't any better than someone else who may want a different kind of relationship than me.