Why Relationships That Fade Out & Drift Apart is Normal & Totally Okay

Have you ever had a best friend you did everything with, and then a couple years pass by, and suddenly you're no longer hanging out as much or doing everything together like you once did? We talk about breakups and death all the time. We talk about relationships that are declared done very clearly and obviously. What often gets forgotten about are those relationships that never do actually have an actual clarification on their ending, but rather they simply end themselves. One day you simply stop talking. It's totally okay to feel pain with drifting apart from someone. Even if they are still a part of your life, it can be hard adjusting from being super close to someone to feeling like you're replaced by someone else, or to feel like you've been downgraded to acquaintance level.

I have been there. And I want to normalize the fact that it can be painful. I want to take the time to talk about it for whoever may be going through it.

What helped me get through this in relationships of mine is remembering that in life we all change. And circumstances change as well.

There's all these different phases of life. Sometimes people just get busy and it gets harder to see someone all the time. Sometimes you just start to realize that maybe you aren't as likeminded as you thought and you start getting closer with other people who do share some of your same passions. It's life, and it happens. You can still love that person you drift from and appreciate the time when you were close, but you can also acknowledge you both are in different points in your lives. For me, the more I started to find out who I am and what my identity is, the more relationships I saw start to fade away. It's not that I regretted the times when we were close. I needed them and their friendship in that earlier moment in my life. But after I grew, I needed other people to continue to challenge me and help me like they did. I needed to get to know other kinds of people. I had different career aspirations and I simply started going in different directions from some of the past people I used to talk to more often.

I'm always growing, constantly. I do still have childhood friends I'm still very close to and that's because we've been growing together. Others though, we seem to grow apart. And that's totally okay. What my relationship needs are may be different from the other person, and we may start to need to surround ourselves with other people who share our urgent needs.

For me, the COVID pandemic was a time in my life where I grew very close to certain friends. It was a time when socializing was limited, and so as I was physically unable to hang out with certain people; the people who were available became my people. I hung out with them non-stop, and the world sort of froze. It became simply getting through the pandemic. I wasn't thinking very much about anything outside of COVID. I wasn't trying to figure myself out or school out or anything. I was just getting used to the changes of the world that the pandemic was causing. And so the people I was frozen in the pandemic with, I got really close with. And once the pandemic lifted a little bit and our world adapted to it better, it's natural that those friends I got really close with in that time period drifted from me. Because suddenly I was out of surviving mode and suddenly I was able to think about more things than just the pandemic itself. At first, we all had the same needs and things on our mind: the pandemic. After it was all said and done though, we grew apart because we all had these different things on our minds that weren't the pandemic. Life was steering us in other places.

And so it happens. But I am so grateful for those friendships I had in that time because they got me through that time and blessed me with more happiness than I can describe. I made so many amazing memories, and I would do it all over again. I wish the pandemic didn't happen, but it did, and my friends got me through it. And when someone helps me go through a phase of my life, I never forget them.

So even though I don't talk as much to those people anymore, every time I revisit that part in my life, I think of them. They are in my life story. But life is ongoing, we're always moving. Just because they aren't in my current chapter doesn't mean they aren't still in the book of my life that has shaped me. Not every character can be on every page, it's just not possible.

I do believe that certain friends I have will continue to grow with me all my life and will always be here. But I also believe some of the friends I have right now may be temporary and may fade out.

We put so much emphasis on relationships lasting forever in a body that can't last forever, in a world where us humans are not immortal. Just because a relationship isn't forever doesn't mean it isn't a good relationship. Every relationship is different, but they are all appreciated and impactful. Minus the toxic ones that we leave. In that case, the decision to leave is where the goodness and happiness stems from.

And keep in mind we also have relationships that might start out slow and that you get closer to over time. As I'm sure many can relate, I saw this with my parents. In my teenage years, I felt more distanced, but afterwards, I got into social work and really started feeling grateful for all they've done for me. I started to find myself and actively try to get to know them more. Gratefulness I couldn't feel until my 20s really made us close, and so it goes to show yet again that different stages of life bring different feelings.

But if you're in that place now where you're sad that a friend you used to call your bestie no longer seems like best man or maid of honor potential, don't freak out. Remember all the good times you've had, and still know them as your friend. Because even if they were friends with younger you, younger you is still a part of you, and so are they.